still

Sometimes the only way out is through.

Well I think this is true in most cases.

I can’t fast forward to the destination when situations become unbearable.

Taking the journey is the whole point of our existence. To live through everything and learn from our failures just as much as our triumphs.

Therapy is just one tool that has helped me on my journey. I was hesitant at first. Not because I was afraid of opening up and talking about “my feelings” as it were.

But because I didn’t understand the magnitude in which talking to a therapist could actually help me.

I talk to family and friends of course. But something purely magical (yes magical) happens when you get unbiased constructive feedback from a professional who is there just for you.

She has helped me face some demons that I didn’t even know I’ve been keeping locked away in the back of my mind.

There’s other memories and thoughts that are easy to conjure but I lacked the skills of how to deal with them.

Its like my brain is constantly being rebooted every time I discover and learn something new and then applying it to my life.

Except I don’t have time to stop and reboot my brain.

All this input is coming in. Cells are being rewired and then routed to other areas, causing a major delay in my cognitive abilities.

My grief itself, learning how to deal with my grief, and realizing my childhood trauma of compartmentalizing my emotions is a lot for anyone to actualize.

What I desperately want people to understand is that it takes time to heal when someone goes through any sort of trauma.

There really is no timeline. Everyone is different. Just because the event is over with does not mean it is over for the person it happened to.

If I look a little down, for heavens sake ask how I’m doing. And not using a customer service voice but genuinely asking me. I really do enjoy opening up to people.

Personally I can tell when someone is having an off day; usually its written all over their face. My instinct is to brighten their day if I can.

It feels really lonely. Most days I carry a festering knot of emotions in my chest. My heart is loud and bursting while the rest of the world is still.

As if people have already forgotten about the girls, or they have moved on. Knowing that people still care helps me a lot.

But at the end of the day it doesn’t matter what other people think. All I have control over is how I treat them, and hopefully they will reciprocate my kindness.

There needs to be a little more patience in the world, understanding, and a lot more kindness.

With those three in tow we as a species could be unstoppable, and hope unequivocally attainable~