I’m tapering off the bitter end of a handful of emotional days.
Honestly its my own fault. Although shark week does bring about hormones that are somewhat out of my control.
Lack of sleep due to many reasons I won’t get into right now, fighting off a cold, and personal worries have left me, well, cranky.
And to top it off a streak of anger has unearthed itself from the bowels of my emotions. I don’t let too many people see that side of me. When I’m overcome with anger I feel incredibly out of control and irrational. Getting mad over the silliest of things that have absolutely no meaning. I don’t let myself get this way very often or around many people.
I literally weave my own webs of frustration. Its all me. Certain situations call for a little passion and outrage of course, so I’m not talking about that.
But if my daughter is being defiant I shouldn’t take it personally. Usually she’s tired herself, or over stimulated, hungry/thirsty, wants attention, etc. You know, basic human needs.
If there are drivers on the road riding my tail I’ll pull over and let them pass instead of fuming about it. When I’m shopping and everyone seems to be in my personal bubble to look at something I try my best not to snap at them.
Also consistent lack of sleep in general will make anyone feel loopy.
I need to stop being so hard on myself, and therein lies the problem. Knowing I can do better and be better, but acting the opposite. Taking two steps forward, just to take four steps back.
Even with this in the back of my mind, I had a great therapy session this week. I talked about private thoughts that only a few people know.
And the best part? She listened. She gave me a refreshing outlook on my ideas and memories that have shaped me into the person I am. And the person I’m trying to accept.
What I learned is quite profound and will take time to process.
We talked about my lucid dreams and the nightmares I’ve had since I was a child. Those are the things that have really affected the way I sleep, along with a house fire and break in.
Dreams with recurring themes. Waking up frequently. Unnerving energies in my room. And more recently my daughters need to be close to me most of the night to name just a few more.
I’ve accepted my weird sleep patterns and everything that comes with them. Some days are more difficult than others to shoulder that exhaustion.
But I persevere. Take each day as they come. And celebrate the moments where I don’t give into my frustrations and instead choose positivity.
Join me on my path back to hope~