I told my husband that I lost faith in signs.
Normally I don’t make ultimatums like this. But I was feeling really hopeless.
The kind of signs that are the small moments that eventually add up to create larger catalysts, that guide us into the direction we are supposed to go in. Like the butterfly effect.
Well these signs were not letting me ignore them anymore.
Constant yellow lights with slow drivers coming out of the woodwork to cut me off was difficult to ignore day after day. And let me tell you I do a lot of driving in between two jobs, my workouts, dropping my daughter off at school, therapy, errands, and the like (all of these things are 20 minutes away from my home).
What transmission did I receive from the universe?
I don’t thrive off of hustle and bustle, I know this about myself, and yet I still take on unnecessary activities. I cherish my quiet alone time to recharge and gather my thoughts. As a mom its rare to have this time, but it needs to be penciled in and made a priority like going to work.
Talking this over to my therapist helped me to understand that its ok to set time aside for myself. Sometimes the last person on my mind to take care of is me.
In light of all of this, I’ll admit I let some of my demons get the best of me this week.
I’m not proud of it.
I’ve entertained negative thoughts and engaged bad attitudes. Its something I’m working hard not to do.
Its not easy being in control when I’m at my wits end.
So the point is to not push myself to the breaking point. To slow down, or halt as my therapist says.
This is one of those lessons that has to be learned with time.
Join me on my path back to hope~