This was a long week, but I knew it would be. I started my second job.

I have to say I’m really excited about this one. Its fast paced, always something to do, the companies values are great, the people are hardworking.

Getting my brain back into work mode for an eight hour shift is my challenge, and breathing through my anxiety.

With substantial effort on my part I’ve learned to control my nerves most of the time. I slip up of course because I’m still figuring it all out, and to me that’s completely normal. I’m not a robot.

I’ve done this by changing the way I think, how I react in stressful situations, and taking my days one at a time instead of looking at all of the events piling up in my calendar and getting overwhelmed.

And the hardest part of all? Well, that’s wanting to get better. Because no one is going to want it for me or force me to change.

Once I break those barriers in my mind it will feel like second nature in how I react. I really won’t know unless I do it, and not just try, but actually follow through to the bitter end no matter how difficult.

Its really strange how in one day I feel like the most confident person in the world, and the next hour I’m feeling nervous.

I’m not sure how I feel about this, but I haven’t been thinking about the girls as much. There hasn’t been any time for moments of reflection in between work, chores, dropping off my daughter and picking her up, cooking, more chores, family time, working out, therapy, etc.

Also, I’m the type of person that needs to be 100% in the moment when learning something new (i.e. my job), otherwise I won’t commit the information to memory. So spacing out or getting triggered by something that reminds me of them has to be put on the back burner.

And believe you me, there are plenty of things that trigger memories at my new job.

My goal is to not let me fears and anxiety guide my decisions, especially when implementing something new.

So I’m wading through this stage of my life.

Sometimes the water is knee deep.

Other days I’m drenched from the water relentlessly crashing against me.

But I will fight that undertow tooth and nail, because this woman will not be pulled down into the deep.

Join me on my path back to hope~

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