This whole summer was a crap-shoot.

Now I’m scrambling to gather the pieces of my life to put them back together, but the pieces don’t fit like they used to.

I literally had to prepare for any outcome with the girls. Will they live? But for how long? If they did live, how long will they stay in the hospital? When could we take them home? Will I even be able to take care of them and go about my daily routines? What about work and school?

I naively thought that I could continue with school this fall. Turns out my brain is just not ready for that kind of intense learning.

I didn’t know that grief could affect my brain this way. Some days its incredibly hard to focus, to remember things.

And to top it off with a cherry, I feel a gargantuan sense of worry and foreboding constantly pressing down on my shoulders.

A feeling like everything isn’t going to be alright. That I have no control over the future.

Thinking in this way is not who I am. And I know this. But sometimes its easier to succumb to these thoughts.

So that’s where “journeying back to hope” comes along. This is my journey back towards a healthier mindset.

Towards reveling in the anomalies that life brings.

Riding the coattails of uncertainty without hesitation.

Saying “not today” to my anxiety and punching it in the face.

And keeping my mind open and constantly astonished at the marvels, magic, and mystery that can be found in every pocket of the universe.

I expect this will be an incredibly demanding and arduous path back to hope. But I’ve already done one of the hardest parts, which is taking the first step~