mindscape, part 2

I’ve managed to ease my anxiety for a bit, but the day is young!

The hardest part of something new is the beginning. Not having any idea of where I’m going, what the heck I’m doing, or how I’m going to get there, but starting the journey none the less.

I’m mostly referring to starting my two brand new jobs soon.

There’s a fear of not being able to balance work, family time, mental (therapy) and physical (workout) health, with a brain that has been useless for the past 3 months.

There’s also a gateway that I’ve opened in my heart, and my mind, that I’m having difficulty closing.

Its like having a giant antenna on top of my head that is constantly receiving data. My brain doesn’t remember how to input any of this information, and my heart is exploding with too much input.

In the past I didn’t allow myself to process any of this data.

I would jump to one of the easiest emotions, anger, instead of asking myself why I was feeling this way.

I just need to remember to breath, and take things one day at a time.

A great tip my therapist has taught me is if things are getting too overwhelming, just look out for any red flags. Once I’ve spotted them, I then can take the things that are causing me stress off of my plate.

A huge red flag is snapping at my daughter, which I hate doing. Letting the household chores slide, not cooking as much, not having time for family, and being irritable in general are just a few others I need to look out for.

Our 7 year wedding anniversary was this week, and I had the idea to go to a hot springs. The soak and massage really helped to clear my head a bit and relax my body.

It was my first massage, ever, (unless you count getting my hair rinsed at the salon) and it was heavenly. Ironically the masseuse’s name was Gloria. I really felt a connection with her kind heart and healing energy.

But at this point I don’t know if I’m pushing my feelings down real deep just to get through some big changes coming up, or if I’ve learned how to (somewhat) cope.

I honestly don’t know. Because I’m still trying to figure out who the new me is, and accepting her.

Essentially I just want to be a kind and calm person, while still keeping the goofiness. And I want to feel it in my soul. Not half-assing it.

If I can just be kind, then the rest follows through.

Join me on my path back to hope~

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