take a seat
I had my first ever workout in a professional setting and it felt amazing.
Was I nervous? Yup. It was my first time in a gym since, well, taking weights in high school 15ish years ago.
Of course it was hard. I’ll be feeling it for the next few days and then some since I’ll be working out three days a week. What’s tough is trying to concentrate on holding the correct muscles while following through with the exercise. But I love the challenge and I like to sweat.
Not to mention getting my strength back makes me feel alive again. My goals are to lose the pregnancy weight, get strong, and be more flexibility.
The gym to me is kind of like a sacred space. A place where I look tired, sweaty, overweight, and face all beat red, and not be judged about it. Because most everyone there is trying to do the same thing: make a healthier version of themselves.
I bought a few new tops and some leggings to work out in, otherwise I just wear old clothes that are a bit too tight. I’m not getting anything else until I lose some weight. Plus I’m not trying to impress anyone.
Towards the end of our workout a little old lady showed up at my groups session and asked me a question I was dreading. I didn’t show that her inquiry bothered me. It took me by surprise, plus I don’t like giving people power over my emotions and showing that they upset me. She was just trying to make conversation right? So I played it off. I admit I did shed a few tears in my car.
But in all seriousness, if you don’t know 100% that a woman is pregnant, just don’t ask.
I’m completely aware that my body looks weird and I still have a pregnancy pooch. I look at myself everyday and I don’t need to be reminded by complete strangers.
In my heart I know that I sacrificed my body for two girls who I knew wouldn’t live for very long, or at all after birth, and I’m ok with that. I don’t feel it necessary to explain that to every person who wants to make a comment about the way I look.
But guess what? I created life with this body. And that’s pretty cool.
The lesson I’ve learned is to be kind to one another. Everyone has hidden struggles. Just because they look ok, doesn’t mean they are.
So for those who can’t be kind, then just be silent, and take a seat.
As for the rest, please join me on my path back to hope~