from within
I stick with my gut reaction when something feels wrong.
When I make decisions, I take a step back and assess every angle to make sure I’m making the best choice and can handle the consequences.
When something upsets me, I ask myself am I just taking it personally? Or is the “thing” I’m upset about in the wrong?
With that in mind, I knew at the start of this week that something felt off.
The time change didn’t help. I was looking at the clock on the stove and didn’t know what time it was all day on Sunday. And who knew waking with just an hour difference would be so exhausting.
The minimum day schedule at the school I work at threw off my routine as well, but nothing I couldn’t handle.
The skies poured torrential rain leaving the central coast in a frenzy not knowing how to handle a little rain.
Even without those factors, something was just off.
Like the calm before a storm.
Well, that storm has hit. The coronavirus that has swept over our entire globe and has turned our nation into hysterics, has now hit home for me.
I didn’t take it seriously. I’m incredibly healthy and so are my husband and daughter. What did I have to worry about?
Well, there are consequences to millions upon billions of people turning into a hysterical mob mentality and to a nation not prepared or properly informed.
I did not let myself get caught up in the chaos. But my anxiety reared its ugly head when I realized that I needed to get supplies and groceries for my own family before the mob scavenged everything. I’m talking basic needs, not hoarding.
My anxiety has also unearthed apocalyptic vibes from my subconscious, which is a recurring theme in my nightmares.
Maybe that’s my ultimate fear. The ending of a beautiful existence not fulfilled. An existence not fully experienced.
That’s exactly what gets to me about my girls: two lives not fully experienced.
There are so many uncertainties in my heart, in our country, and around the world, but human decency and remaining calm has to be at the forefront.
Lending strangers and neighbors supplies when in need. Checking-in on the most vulnerable demographics and giving what we can.
Being without my job for the next two weeks is going to be bizarre. I just hope it doesn’t last more than that, financially we just can’t handle me not working my main job.
Time will only tell what the world will look like with most of us not working, playing sports, shopping, or gathering in public in general.
All I know is that staying home might be the best plan at this point. For I could still be a carrier for the virus, and pass it on to the most vulnerable.
To get through this, we all could use a little hope~